There is an Australian magazine called 'Christian Review' that I receive every month. Among them, there is a person whose short articles always inspire me. He is an officer in the Salvation Army. In one of the last articles I read, he said, "People with high egos go alone, people with high self-esteem go together." This sentence made me think about something rather deep and serious.

  I think it struck a chord with me because I believe that pastors have a calling and a role in the ministry of perfecting the saints, along with being a force for good. Looking back, I think I used to be a very proud person. Of course, I think I still have that nature. I think it is only visible because my eyes have been opened to see myself through growth and maturity.

  What is the reason for my pride? As I dug deeper into my thoughts, I saw something at the bottom. It was an inferiority complex. It seems that the deficiencies (cultural, emotional, educational, economic, etc.) that I inevitably had in my childhood environment were piled up one by one. I personally think that pride is the face of a self-protection system that tries to protect this inferiority complex. 

  When I look back on my past, I realize that I reacted and fought back when someone brought up the inferiority complex I wanted to hide. More honestly, those words and reactions weren't wrong. They were right about being inadequate, ignorant, and incompetent. But I didn't want to be judged or criticized by the others. So, I feel like I'm wearing my pride in a box.

  That's when my life changed. In January 1993, after the failure of an illegal pyramid scheme, I had a personal experience with God. I heard the gospel through the meetings of Rev. Jong Jin Pee, a revivalist at the time, and realized God's plan for me. From that point of view, I felt God's love for me, and self-esteem was instilled.

  Minister Kim of the Salvation Army says "Just as a river goes to the sea only when it leaves the river, and a tree bears fruit only when its flowers fall, self-esteem rises when you put your pride down. Pride and self-esteem are like a seesaw: when one goes up, the other goes down." I agree one hundred percent.

  In the past, when my ego was strong, I used to be passionate about "follow me" leadership. It was uncalculated and pure, and it had some fruitfulness. However, after realizing and experiencing God's grace in my immigrant life and ministry, I was able to learn, dream, and walk in leadership that is hand in hand with Christ-centered self-esteem. There is a verse that gave me such a turning point and boosted my self-esteem. 

  "The Lord said to me, You are my son (daughter); today I have begotten you." (Psalm 2:7)