I returned from a sabbatical to reflect on 15 years of ministry. For the first time in 24 years of immigrating to New Zealand, I felt that the sky and air were good. First of all, I had never been away from New Zealand for such a long time, and I think that I did not know the value of the sky and air because I lacked stability in my daily life in New Zealand.

I think I met about 40-50 people during my time of relaxation. In my free time, I visited the church library next to the mission building and read a few books. One title in particular caught my eye. "Anything" had the phrase "total surrender" on the cover. Behind every complicated thought or feeling is a choice; if you look deeply enough, you'll eventually have to give up something.

As the book's author Janie Allen says "In today's world, it's easy to take blessings for granted. Material things and money dominate our lives. Before we realize it, God's gifts have taken God's place." As I understand it, there is a sense of crisis in which God's gifts are taken for granted and become entitlements. Like praise, it's not undeserved, it's grace.

There are times when we say that we lay down everything before the Lord. I think the author hits the nail on the head when he asks us to consider whether anything is real. I confess I have not laid down everything. Speaking of everything, I still have my minimum requirements, or at least the last of my ego. I cannot say what it is specifically, but it is an honest statement to say I still have it.

There is a saying that I shared with the saints before I left for the Sabbath. It's a prophetic word that Peter the disciple would be sent a second time as the Apostle Peter. "Peter used to clothe himself and go where he pleased by himself, but when he was old, he would open his arms, and others would clothe him and take him where they pleased." (John 21:15) This message seems to stick in my mind as a connection to what Mrs. Janey is trying to say.

The words of Paul, writing to the church in Philippi from prison, come back to haunt her. "For the sake of Jesus Christ I have counted everything but loss. I know now that everything is worthless, like trash." (Phil. 3:8) But I can see that my inner man has not yet fully renounced. That's why anything becomes a deep contemplation.