A long time ago, in front of King Pharaoh of Egypt, Jacob said that his past life had been like a traveler. What does this mean? Beyond thinking, I can almost feel it. Life is worth living. But it's also true that it's not easy. 

  I've been a pastor for about 30 years now. I would have never set foot on this path if I had known what I was getting myself into. I have a heart, I have a passion, and I have gifts from God. But I can count on ten fingers the number of times that none have gone according to my plan or will. There were feelings of failure and loss depending on the degree of passion and zeal. What is more difficult is when despair becomes a rock and crushes you. 

  In my last ministry, I had three major crises of despair, but each time, God gave me a testimony of reversal, and I have continued my ministry for 16 years. How is that possible? The answer could probably fill a book if I were to write it down, but if I were to make a point in this short column, it could be summed up in one word: hope. 

  Despair is the loss of what one hopes for, while hope is the expectation of what one hopes for. So why is it that in life, like the last traveler, we, including myself, are in a place of despair? I've been meditating on this for the past week. I've been thinking and meditating on it for months, but it was only a few days ago that I had my realization and answer.

  It happened naturally in a private conversation with my wife. I think it's all about where you put the bar between despair and hope. When I looked at the bottom of my despair, I saw that I was the one in charge. The sense of loss I felt because my plans and goals didn't work out was what led me to despair. A pastor who claims to entrust his life to God repeatedly went through such times.

  God is eternal. This means that the concept of time is meaningless to God. Time is relevant to us humans. The point at which despair becomes hope is when I die and God lives. In other words, out of my time and into God's time. Once in that time, hope settles in, expecting his time and his ways.

  My peace quotient for the day, with this reference point, goes beyond longing and stands at the entrance to hope.