As I pass through my mid-fifties and move toward the latter half of that decade, I can feel the traces of time settling in. Looking back, I have met and parted with so many people. Of course, there are still many with whom I continue to share life’s journey, but the number has certainly decreased.

Not long ago, while reading some material, I came across the words of the late Chairman Chung, Ju-young. As a man who achieved remarkable success in business, he once said that one could tell whom to avoid in life simply by observing people at the dining table.

His standards for discernment were simple yet profound. First, those who treat the waitstaff rudely are people who look down on the weak. Second, those who eat without paying attention to others’ pace do not understand cooperation. Third, those who touch others’ food or plates without permission do not understand boundaries. And fourth, those who look at their phones during a meal lack focus and respect for others. Such people, he said, should be avoided—not only in business but also in life.

When I reflect on his words, I find them deeply convincing. Interestingly, he also spoke about the kind of people we must choose to keep close in life. Having fallen and risen countless times, he said, “Success is never achieved alone. Who stands beside you determines your life.” According to him, those who should be by our side are: first, the person who calls you first when you fail;
second, the one who sincerely rejoices in your success; third, the one who listens to you to the end and asks questions; and fourth, the one who speaks well of you even in your absence.

I wholeheartedly agree. True friends and neighbors reveal themselves most clearly when we face trials or suffering. Life is not meant to be lived alone. Along this journey, there are people we must stay close to—and others we are wise to avoid. As I look back on my own path, I realize that among the many people I’ve met, only a few true friends and neighbors remain, refined and proven by time.

Recently, during yet another challenge that my wife and I faced together, I found myself learning anew—about people, and about life itself. As I thought about those to avoid and those to walk with, I began to ask myself: Have I ever acted as someone to be avoided? And am I now living as someone truly worth walking alongside? With those questions in mind, I seek once more to reset the direction of my life and ministry—to live as a pastor who walks faithfully with others.

The Apostle Paul’s testimony comes to mind. He once said that he was burdened beyond his strength, despairing even of life itself, feeling as though the sentence of death had been pronounced upon him (2 Corinthians 1:8–9). Yet he understood that this happened so that he might rely not on himself but on God, who raises the dead. Following his example, I, too, desire once again to trust in that same God—and to live as a good neighbor among His children and people in this world.